I met the friendliest cop last night
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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