The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
