So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
