soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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