Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
