On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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