Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
