i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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