just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
