WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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