3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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