we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
