I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
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So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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