Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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