dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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