Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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