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I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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