end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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