yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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