Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
