oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
