Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
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I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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