I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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