God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
