I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
