people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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