I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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