Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
