My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
