I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
