I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
