We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
