Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
