Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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