Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
