shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I will pee on everything he values.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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