Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
