What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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