So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
