Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
