as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
