Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
