oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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