all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
