Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
