At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
