I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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