i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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