remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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