hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
