She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
