Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
