woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
