I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
