You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
