It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
