I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
