he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
