made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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