i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
