i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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