the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
