Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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