I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
