when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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