My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize