There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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