they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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