HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
