I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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