I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
