Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
